You know what I’m talking about. The lies and excuses we seem to find and come up with every time we set out to accomplish something. Then when we meet resistance, we throw in the towel and validate our doubts and excuses we had at the beginning.
“I don’t know enough about it.”
“People will think I’m weird.”
“It’s too hard.”
“I don’t want to mess it up.”
“I’m too old”
“I’m too young”
“I’m too this and not enough of that….”
Whenever I hear other people feed me these lines, I quickly jump on that and shut those thoughts down immediately. I love to help people see how foolish these thoughts are and encourage them to keep pushing. But man, when I say them to myself, they sound much more logical. I buy my bullsh*t more than I would ever allow from anyone I care about—heck, even people I don’t like.
This is a huge problem. When we want to make changes in life, it will be met with resistance every single time. Want to lose weight? It’s likely going to cost you some money. You’re going to have to put physical energy into it. You will need to eat differently from what you’re doing now. You might not be confident about where to start. You will have to take the time you’re allocating for something else and use it to accomplish your weight loss goal. You might get pressure from your friends and/or partners. You might even receive backhanded compliments or flat-out put-downs. You will almost certainly fail along the way. Sheesh…there is so much resistance. With resistance like this it doesn’t take much from your own head to get you to stop.
So how do we change it?
I love to have people start with finding their why. Their deep why. What’s driving them? Nietzsche once said, “he who has a why to live can overcome almost any how.” This thought comes through in Simon Sinek’s “Start with Why” book. It is important to dig deep, and it might look like this.
“I want to lose 30 lbs.”
Why?
“Because I’m sick of being overweight and want to feel better.”
Why do you want to feel better?
“Because I don’t feel confident in my body.”
Why is being more confident important to you?
“Because I’m a 42-year-old single mother with 3 kids, and I’m afraid that I’m going to spend the rest of my life alone since a man might not find me attractive anymore.”
BOOM! That’s powerful stuff. This is directly from a conversation I had with a client.
I think with a why like that, you’ll find the money, make the time, ignore the put-downs, take a few failures along the way, and get back up—a why like that can overcome just about any how.
Find your why!
What else?
We already discussed the fact that you’re going to meet resistance. It’s physics. You’re trying to put something in motion, overcome an obstacle, or change direction. These things take energy. You’ll have to fight and then keep fighting. Knowing some of the things that might come up ahead of time can help. You can plan.
Lastly, find an environment that supports your goals and vision. Find people who are doing the things you want to do, being the people you want to be, and having the things you want to have. Observe them. Learn from them and do those things.
When I was a young wrestler I was having mid-level success. I won a lot but didn’t win many tournaments and matches that mattered the most, and it ate at me. We had some really good wrestlers in our wrestling room, but even more than that, after the season, our wrestling room was a hub for great wrestlers from all over. Some of these guys would drive multiple hours to train with us each way, multiple days per week. At first, I came up with all the excuses to avoid training with these guys. As much as I wanted to be like them and have the success they had, I didn’t feel like I was one of them. I didn’t want to fail in front of them. I didn’t want to be judged by them. I couldn’t stand the thought of looking funny in front of them.
Then, finally, the pain of staying the same became too much to stand, and I started spending a lot more time with these guys. I took a lot of lumps at first, but over time, I got better and better. I began to not just believe I was one of these guys, but the evidence was there as well. The unfortunate part is that I waited just a little too long. Although I made significant progress, I fell short of my biggest goals. The resources were always there, but I bought my B.S. for too long. That B.S. in my head cost me my biggest dreams at the time. I’m not willing to do that anymore, and I hope you aren’t either.
What lies and B.S. are you filling yourself with that you’d never put up with from someone else, and what will you start doing TODAY to change it? You are made for greatness. Go and take it!!!
Coach Derek
