Ugh! This is nails on the chalkboard for me. In most situations where this phrase is used, it is a textbook example of a victim mindset. Now, before you get all huffy and puffy, I’ve said it too, and just like you, I was wrong. Here’s why.
When you throw your arms up in frustration and utter those words, you suggest that you have done all that you can and that the result you’re seeking has not been achieved. It’s out of your hands. You have no say in the matter. That, my friend, is a victim. As long as that is your mindset, this will always be true.
When nothing has worked for you, it means exactly that. Something else is supposed to work. You’re in a passive role, taking any responsibility for your lack of results and placing it on something other than yourself. That can help decrease frustration in the short term, but in the long run, it means you have to rely on luck to achieve your desires. I’m not betting on that. Wouldn’t you rather be in control of whether or not you succeed?
When you’re not winning in life, here are a few things you can ask yourself instead. Warning: They involve checking your ego, taking responsibility, and then taking further action. Squirming in discomfort is a likely side effect.
𝐀𝐦 𝐈 𝐝𝐨𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐈 𝐚𝐦 𝐚𝐛𝐥𝐞 𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐝𝐨𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐢𝐭 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐬𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐥𝐲?
I’m going to fire another shot. Most of you aren’t working hard enough. Your exercise routine probably isn’t working because you’re not working. If you can already handle the tasks you’re asking your body to complete with relatively little discomfort, you’re not going to create an adaptation response. Things aren’t going to change. It takes energy to change your state. You have to stress yourself! You have to get uncomfortable. You have to work! Not now and again occasionally. You have to do it most days. Over and over and over and over again.
Not getting the clients you need in your business? Are you working hard enough? Maybe you are, but you’re probably not if we’re all being honest here. Friends, I’ve been here…I still end up here. I still tell myself I’m doing all the things. Sure, I’m busy, but am I working hard day after day??? I can’t always say yes, and that’s on me.
The other part of this equation is asking are you willing to do what it takes. You might love the idea of achieving your goal, but at the end of the day you’re not willing to do what it takes to get it. That’s ok. If that’s the case, you need to let the goal go or change your expectations to match what you are willing to do.
𝐀𝐦 𝐈 𝐝𝐨𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐜𝐨𝐫𝐫𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐥𝐲?
Are you following the program or system how it’s intended to be used? Diets are a great example of this problem: mostly following the plan but doing it the way you want because it feels better or is more convenient. Our intermittent fasting friend skipping breakfast but eating like a jerk for the other meals. Barely eating one day and then eating like you’ll never eat again for the next. The “I eat mostly paleo” friend. What the heck does that mean? You get the idea. If you are following a plan or program but aren’t following it accurately, you can’t say it isn’t working for you.
𝐇𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐈 𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐩𝐞𝐫 𝐭𝐨𝐨𝐥 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐣𝐨𝐛?
If I need to cut boards for my backyard deck to a precise length and I’ve chosen my hammer as my tool, I might split a few boards, but it’s going to come with a lot of collateral damage, definitely not precisely cut, and not likely the result I was looking for. Did the hammer fail me? No! I chose the wrong tool for the job.
The most common goal I work with in the health & fitness industry is weightloss. Usually, people have a pretty good idea that they should change their diet in some way and begin or increase their exercise. Google to the rescue. **Searches “workout routine”. The top results are almost always traditional bodybuilding or strength/hypertrophy programs. These programs do a great job when it comes to making you BIGGER. You’ll probably end up frustrated when your aim is to lean out first. Did the program fail you??? No! You chose the wrong tool for the job.
The best part about choosing the wrong tool is that you can change tools. Simple.
𝐃𝐨 𝐈 𝐧𝐞𝐞𝐝 𝐡𝐞𝐥𝐩?
Sometimes you’re so close to getting it all right, and all you need is a little bit of guidance. Odds are that whatever you’re trying to achieve, someone else has already done it. Someone else has made all the same mistakes, learned from them and can help save you a lot of time, money and frustration.
Having a coach or mentor helps you see those areas we discussed before. They can let you know if you aren’t working hard enough, showing up consistently enough, not following the plan the right way, or if you’ve selected the wrong tool for the job.
Asking for help can be difficult, but when you look around at the people who have found success in the areas you want to win, they’ve almost certainly had help along the way, too.
So the next time you’re feeling frustrated with a lack of results and you feel like tossing your hands up in the air and quitting. Ask yourself instead, what can I DO about this? That’s the growth-focused way. That’s how you make change, and that’s how you’ll ultimately succeed.
You’ve got this!
#HoldTheStandard, friends,
Coach Derek
